The Waldorf Humphrey Bunch
by Sophia Bee
Summary: Part of the Paris Series, a companion to City of Sorrow and Faded. Vignettes of Blair, Dan and there big, happy blended family.
1. I

"Mooooooommmmmmmm!" a voice hollars across the apartment. Blair startles at the sound, which is followed by a small, almost indiscernible 'um' and then…

"BLAAAAAAAAAIRE!"

Blair smiles to herself. It was Daisy.


	2. II

"Mmmmmmm." Dan murmurs as he wraps his arms around her waist and snuffles along the back of her neck, "waffles?"

Blair smiles knowingly. Cooking classes have been paying off. She shakes her head.

"Crepes."

"What!" Dan replies, a little bit of mock outrage but not really paying attention to what Blair is saying as he's turning her around, pressing her back against the stove, kissing the spot of bare skin where her robe has slipped down her shoulder a bit.

"Um, the kids will be up any minute."

"Uh huh," Dan says absently, gently biting the skin there. Blair feels her head start to spin.

"We really don't need Atticus and Daisy reporting us messing around in the kitchen back to Serena."

"Mmmmmmm…"

"Dammit Dan, my crepes are going to burn! And the stove is hot, so I'll burn too."

"Crepes?" he says, releasing Blair and paying a little more attention, "not waffles?"

"Crepes." Blair says firmly.


	3. III

"I'm taking Atty out."

Henry is leaning into the door of Blair's new study. It took them about six months of being crammed into her little two bedroom apartment but they finally found another place. She has a study, they boys are sharing a room and Daisy gets her own.

"Uh huh," Blair says absently, concentrating more on her sketches instead of what her gangly officially teenage son is saying.

"That's okay, right?"

"Mmmhmmmmm...oh, um, WAIT!" Blair says all at once as she realizes what Henry is telling her. "Out? For what?"

"He wants to learn to skateboard. Says he surfed in California but never skateboarded. My friends are going to join us."

"He has a helmet?" Blair asks. Atticus is only nine years old. There will be hell to pay if he gets hurt, especially from his mother.

"Dan got him one last week, and a brand-new skate board."

Blair realizes this has been in the works for a little while and reminds herself to touch base with Dan later.

"And you're okay having him tag along."

"Yeah," Henry shrugs almost nonchalantly, "he's not so bad for a kid brother."

"Okay, then. As long as Dan knows about it and you keep him safe, have fun."

Henry smiles at her and tells her she's the best, and Blair goes back to doing her work. It's only later she realizes that Henry had called Atticus his brother.


	4. IV

"A houseful of children is highly inconvenient," Dan whispers into the crook of Blair's neck just before he kisses her right where he knows will drive her wild.

"Tell me about it," Blair gasps in his hair. "Oh god, Dan, that's just...um...perfect...just, HURRY."

"I feel like we're teenagers, necking on the couch or something, about to get caught. It makes it, uh, really really HOT."

"I need more than necking, Humphrey. Stop talking and fuck me. Now. They're going to be back from the store any minute."

"You mean the kids finding us in some state of undress having sex against the kitchen table is going to be a problem?"

"YES!" Blair hisses, wrapping her legs around Dan's waist. "Just fucking get inside me and get this over with...OH!...ohhhhhhhh…."

Dan was clearly listening because as Blair talks he has lifted her hips and is doing exactly what she demanded, and he's still for just a moment before his hips start moving in a smooth rhythm that drives her wild. He smiles up at her as her eyes go wide and her mouth falls slack.

"Yes m'am, Mrs. Humphrey."

"Uhngghhhh, WALDORF-Humphrey, mmmmmmm...just stop talking and kiss me, you bastard."


	5. V

"It will be just the two of us at Christmas," Blair says one night as they're curled in bed together, her head on Dan's chest.

"I know," he sighs.

"Henry is going to be in Dubai and the twins are in California. Atty is excited to be able to surf again. Daisy has been picking out bikinis."

Dan winces, "bikinis? Really? She's still my baby. Can't she find a nice one piece?"

Blair smiles up at Dan. "She's ten, love. Going on 17. And she asked for one."

"Okay. You spoil her, you know."

"Well, I always wanted a girl," Blair says, then getting back to their conversation, "We can go out, even stay out late. No baby sitter. See some exhibits. Sleep in late."

"Yeah."

"We can have sex and no one will walk in on us. And we can do it anywhere in the apartment we want." Blair's cheeks turn red thinking about last week when Henry had come home from school early and all she could say to him was 'whoops' and offer him a big, guilty grin as he was yelling something about his eyes burning.

"I know,"

"You're going to hate every minute of it, aren't you?" Blair asks. She feels Dan sigh heavily.

"Is it bad if I say yes?"

"No. Except for the sex part."

"Well, that part I'm sure I'll enjoy."


	6. VI

The kids are all lined up on the couch, their eyes watching Dan and Blair with undisguised curiosity.

"We're going to Euro-disney," Daisy says excitedly, clasping her hands together.

"Dude," Henry says, leaning across Atticus to poke Daisy in the shoulder, "one time my dad tried to buy Disney World for a day." Daisy rolls her eyes at him.

"Your dad likes to buy small countries on a whim."

"What's going on," Atticus demands, ignoring the two people he's sandwiched between, "some end of spring break adventure. Surfing in the Mediterranean?"

"Snowboarding in the Alps?" Henry chimes in.

"I want to go to EURO DISNEY!" Daisy says emphatically.

Blair looks up at Dan who is standing behind her chair. She reaches up and he takes her hand.

"Well," Dan starts, "it is indeed a new adventure."

"And," says Blair, "It's for all of us."

"But," Dan continues, "You're going to have to wait for a little bit." He looks down at Blair who is trying very hard not to crack up.

"A car!"

"We didn't order a minivan did we? That is SO embarrassing."

"We're moving again and the place has a pool?"

"I'm finally getting ballet lessons!"

"Daisy! They said it's something for all of us, not just you."

"Your dad is buying Euro Disney, Henry, and we're all going to live there."

"Shut up Daisy. We're NOT going to EURO DISNEY."

"You'll have to WAIT," Dan manages to shout over the din and he wonders how three kids can be so loud, "for about nine months."

The kids all stop talking over each other and look at him, their faces confused.

"So it IS the Alps, but this winter?" Henry asks slowly, trying to figure out what Dan is trying to say. Daisy digs an elbow into his ribs, hard, and Henry yells, 'ow!'.

"No, you idiot. Don't they have health class in French schools? They're telling us that Blair, otherwise known as YOUR MOM, is pregnant."

"WHAT!" both boys gasp at once as Daisy claps her hands in glee and declares she's sure the baby will be a girl. Once they are done being surprised they all jump up at once, arms around Dan and Blair, and the room is filled with the laughter of three kids. Blair smiles. She loves her blended family.


	7. VII

"Well, she's obviously much happier with you than she ever was with me."

Dan doesn't really know how he's supposed to respond. He's standing in his kitchen silently cursing Blair who has gone to put the baby to sleep leaving him alone with Chuck Bass while simultaneously wondering what strange turn of the universe has created the bizarre event of fucking Chuck Bass casually leaning on his kitchen island while he swirls wine around in a glass and makes small talk.

If he didn't adore Blair so much he might decide to kill her later.

"It's really nice of you to have me and Henry for Christmas," Chuck continues, not seeming to notice that Dan isn't answering, or that he's wearing a deer caught in the headlights look, or that he keeps casting about looking for an escape route, some sort of secret hatch he can disappear down. "When he told me that he wanted to spend Christmas with you and Sophie, I was surprised, but Blair agreed and, well, here we are."

"Yes," Dan says lamely, finally finding his voice, "here we are."

"I hope you enjoy the small gift I brought for you guys."

By small gift Chuck means the ridiculously huge gift basket that's perched on their console table full of enough food to feed two families in a third world country. Chuck is the master or self-promoting self deprecation.

"Nice wine," Chuck says before Dan can say anything and it's almost like Chuck is making small talk with...Chuck. Dan watches as Chuck takes another sip. He's about to break down and tell him it's a wine he and Blair found in Napa when they dropped off the twins in the fall and decided to make a small vacation out of it before the baby arrived. He might actually make small talk with Chuck Bass, but Chuck beats him to it.

"We should go golfing."

Dan hates golf.


	8. VIII

Three months later, Dan and Chuck go golfing.

Blair Dan on the cheek, barely able to hold back her laughter, and tells him he's the best husband ever. Dan asks her if this means he gets some Best Husband Ever Hanky Panky. Blair responds that Dorota should be shot for introducing that phrase to him.


	9. IX

"Henry!" Blair calls as she sees her teenage son slink by the doorway of the kitchen. She knows that move, the one where you try to avoid your mom because you have something to hide, and she hopes he's not old enough to be trying to sneak in beer already.

"Homework, mom!" he calls back.

Blair looks over at the play mat on the floor where Sophie is playing quietly for what she hopes might be another ten minutes or so, then she follows Henry towards his bedroom. She stops at his doorway and leans on the doorjam.

"What is going on...hey," Blair's voice trails off as she sees a red, swollen lump under his left eye. "what happened?"

"Nothing mom," Henry insists, flipping his long bangs to cover the red area that looks like it will make a very purple and ugly bruise. "Just a disagreement."

"Over?"

"It's really no big deal."

"I can call the school."

"Fine," Henry says, capitulating to old fashioned motherly nagging. "Some kid has been teasing Atticus."

Since Sophie was born three months ago the twins have asked to come live in Paris full-time and have started attending the same small private school where Henry goes. Serena agreed so now they are with Dan and Blair most of the year with holidays and summers in California.

"And?" Blair asks, her brow furrowed with concern. "What happened."

"I went to talk to the kid, to ask him to leave Atti alone. He's a bully and he's not being nice."

"And?" Blair asks again, wanting more of the story. Henry looks a little embarrassed.

"He hit me."

Blair steps forward and brushes her son's hair away from his face, looking at the lump. She leans forward and kisses it softly, thinking that it won't be long before she's having to tilt her head up for these kinds of moments, he's getting so tall.

"Well, it sounds like you tried to do the right thing." Blair says, her heart hurting with how much she adores the way Henry loves his step-siblings, enough to let an eleven year old deck him, "And I think that kid proved that he is, indeed, a bully."


	10. X

"I'm not going to call you mom!"

Blair looks up from bouncing the baby to sleep to find that her stepson has thrown himself on the couch and is slouching against the back cushion and looking at her petulantly.

"I know honey," Blair says kindly, wondering what has brought this on, "I've always said that calling me Blair is fine with me."

Atticus sighs heavily as if Blair's answer has done nothing to resolve whatever is bothering him.

"But you're more than JUST Blair."

Blair smiles.


End file.
